Stupid boys.

Just when I thought I found a good thing with no serious strings attached, he goes and flips out and gets all relationship-y on me. Jason and I got into what seems to me to be the absolute stupidest fight in the history of the world the other night, and he has not gotten over it. In fact, he told me that he feels a little "claustrophobic" and that he needs space for a while, "to breathe". Give me a fucking break. This guy gets nothing but space from me, seeing as how I see him about once a week (sometimes not even that) and all it is is sex anyways(which I don't have a problem with at all). That hardly sounds stifling to me, but like I said, what sparked the argument was completely stupid, and this whole "breathing" thing is just his childish way of trying to spite me. He is 35 years old, for fuck's sake. I just want to find one man who is capable of maturity (at least half the time), is a hot kisser, has a brain, and can make me laugh. That's it.

Is that too much to ask for???

In one month I will be 31. Damn it. Isn't it weird how 31 is completely opposite from what you thought 31 would be when you were, say, 15? When I was 15, I thought by now I would be married to some suit, driving a mini-van full of brats and staying home all day to be the perfect homemaker. Jesus. Thank god that is not what my life turned out to be. There is nothing wrong with those things, just not for me.


I have an offline date Wednesday. God help me. I hate these things. I am such a nervous wreck. Wish me luck.

Happy Birthday

I owe this strange and interesting world of online journaling a huge thank you. Perusing journals one night, I found one on Diary-X by a chick that was funny as hell, and her entries were really interesting. Which is something most journals I have read seem to be lacking (including this one). Anywho, I sent her an email telling her how funny and smart and entertaining her journal is, and now we are good friends. I love her.


Since her birthday was the 20th, I had her over tonight for dinner, cake, and some hot Paul Newman dvd action. We both think he is amazingly gorgeous, and combined with the desert-y ecstacy of the yummy cake I got, we were happy girls.

Freaks and geeks.

Tonight a very bizarre thing happened to me. I was out with friends at this bar/pub/grill type place, and someone came up to me and said, "You look familiar. Are you Andria?" I said yes, and I immediately recognized him as someone I went to middle and high school with.


I should begin by saying that high school was not a particularly great time for me. In fact, I do my best to avoid anything high school-related at all. One of the only two recurring dreams that I have is that I am back in high school, and it's awful (my other recurring dream is that I start smoking again. I quit almost five years ago). The thing that surprised me at all is that this guy happened to remember exactly who I was. I mean, I was pretty dorky in high school (well, I still am), and don't think I spoke one word to this guy since middle school. He said he remembered me from my red hair, and my eyes, and that I looked exactly the same. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.


We talked for about an hour, mostly gossip about people we went to school with, gossip about teachers, and a "so what are you doing now?" conversation. It was cool. Normally I am pretty bitter about the prospect of talking to anyone I went to school with (Kay is my only friend I kept from school), but I felt like I was talking to someone who saw it the same way I did. From a bit of an outsider's perspective. See... I was (well, still am) fat, wore glasses (still do), and was not the smoothest dresser back in the day. So, you can imagine I was not the popular cheerleader/homecoming queen type. I was not a complete outcast, but I was invisible, save for the instances when the fat jokes were thrown around. I did what most fat kids do, and developed the comedian/class clown persona. So I have been the funny fat girl my whole life.


Unfortunately, the one downside of our conversation was when he said to me, \"This is a strange thing to remember, but I remember back in like seventh grade...\" I won't continue the story, but I will say that it was probably the most embarassing thing that happened to me at that time (think awkward pubescent teenage girl crap), and that is the one story he remembered about me. I played it off and acted like I didn't remember it happening, but the truth is, I remember all of it. Christ. Is that what everyone I went to school with remembers about me? Eh, I don't see any of those people anyway, so it's really meaningless at this point.


Anywho, that's it. I had a strange reunion with someone I haven't spoken a word to since 1987. It was a little surreal.

Ugh.

Back to work tomorrow after missing almost all of last week with this horrible kidney infection that I have had. I am not looking forward to the huge pile of shit that will be stacked up on my desk. I am so behind!! But if I have to sit at home and endure the boredom daytime television brings, I will die. Daytime tv will keep me working full time.


On a sad note, the thorn in my side, Celestia, will not be there because her Mom's battle with cancer is finally over. She told me when I called in on Wednesday, and I felt horrible. As much as I dislike her (and I do), her Mom is gone, and that's rough. Having lost close members of my family to cancer myself, I feel a little relief for her and her family, since it's over and there's no more suffering for her Mom.


Fucking cancer.

The waiting is the hardest part.

The ER frustrates me. Unless a baby is shooting out of your vagina, or there's a knife sticking out of your head, you're in for a whole lot of waiting.


I had felt funny all weekend, and developed a strange neck/shoulder/back pain thing that made any kind of sleeping completely out of the question. Then last night out of nowhere, I had a 102 degree fever. So I called my lovely best friend Kay, and no questions asked, she went with me. Now, that might not seem like a big deal, but this was a ten o'clock at night, and she had to be at work the next morning. I should also point out the last two times I went to the ER, I didn't come home til at least four days later. That's why I am so appreciative. She knew there was a good chance that with my history she was in for the long haul.


The worst part of the whole thing is that I could NOT STOP SWEATING to save my life. I also didn't get a bed with a curtain, I got one that was in the center of the ER where I could see everything and everything (or everyone) could see me. And with a whole head of sweat-soaked hair, that was not such a good idea. Not to mention that every single male doctor was hot as hell. If I had any consolation, that was it. I suppose it's also good because the nerd in me loves to people watch, and from where I was, I got to do alot of that. Me and Kay just lusted after doctors and talked shit about the trashy family members of some of the patients. We were there for like six hours. We had to pass the time somehow. We were there so long that not one of the patients in that ER was there when I got admitted.


Anywho, long story short (well, not really since this is the fourth paragraph about it), I have a nasty kidney infection, which I have never ever had before, and it's kicking my ass. My doctor actually told me to stay in bed for a few days, which I fully intend to take advantage of. I am sure Celestia is going to have a fit when I call in sick again tomorrow. Today when I called her to tell her what had happened and that I wouldn't be in, she said "Well, I have had those and I could work." Lying ass. She keeps forgetting I was a close friend of hers at one time, and I know just what kind of "infections" she had.


I am starting to sweat again. Damn it. This sucks.

I have more viruses than a $2 hooker.

I am so computer illiterate it's ridiculous. My super cool ultra-hip diary lay-out should be proof enough of that. I finally stepped into the 21st century and stepped it up to DSL, and have spent the majority of my weekend battling with spyware, installing firewalls, updating anti-virus and trying to keep from shooting my goddamned computer Elvis-style. This has been amazingly frustrating. I need to marry a computer nerd, man. Someone that looks like Johnny Lee Miller in that "Hackers" movie. This shit is enough to drive a girl batty.


I have two offline date prospects, and I am nervous about them both. I mean, I have Jason (who I also met online) in my life, but it's strictly physical. As good as the sex is, I would give it up for something that is at least more consistent, seeing as how I see Jason about once every two weeks. I always get shy and nervous when I meet new people, so you can imagine what a basket case I am on a blind date. It's a bad scene, people.


I spent some time with my best friend's son today. As much as I don't want kids, I sure love that one. He is an amazing little person. It's hard to believe the stuff that comes out of that four year old mouth. A few weeks ago, he was asking me why I wasn't married. So I told him it was because I haven't found someone that I love enough to marry, and he told me that he would marry me because I am pretty, make good peanut butter & jelly sandwiches and watch Spongebob Squarepants with him. It's hard to be bitter and cynical when you hear stuff like that.