A strange dream.

Last night I had a strange dream.


There is a guy who I have been chatting with for sometime. We have talked on the phone as well, but never met, and have never really discussed the idea of meeting. Some (ok, a lot) of those conversations have gotten quite dirty. He likes women very... natural. No heavy perfumes, deodorants, or shaving. Not wanting a woman to shave is enough for me to love this man. I HATE SHAVING.


Anyways, Hairy Bush Boy told me early in the week that he was going to be in my neighborhood this afternoon to take care of some work stuff, and that if I wasn't working, maybe we could meet and hang out. Not ever intending to meet him, I was a little nervous. I didn't tell him immediately that I was not working today, until the last minute in an email, which I am sure he won't get until it's too late.


So I dreamt that we finally met, and he took me back to his condo/townhome-y thing, which surprised me because in real life (at least this is what he told me) he has his own company and does really well for himself. So there was his wife and two daughters (I should interject at this point that Hairy Bush Boy has already told me that he is divorced but has no kids), in this one room condo. There was a couch, two beds and a television. He took me outside to see the "backyard" which was a park that was right behind his complex. Some of what happens next is sketchy, but I am hanging out with the daughters (who are the same daughters from the movie "In America"), and all of a sudden, they reach into a giant plastic bin with white powder, dip their fingers and then snort it!! When they put the bin back, it is clearly marked "heroin" on the side. So then, after they put it back, Hairy Bush Boy comes in the room, takes the bin out again, and snorts so much that it's still on the tip of his nose. The daughters both say "can we have some Daddy?" and then they do more with him!!


I don't remember the rest, but that was truly bizarre. I can't wait to tell him this crazy ass dream. My dreams are never normal. They are always one of two things: over the top bizarre, or sex (sometimes with celebrities). My sleep is more entertaining than my real life.

I AM nice. Dammit.

I love people. I like watching people move, interact, and just be. I am always curious about other peoples’ lives and behaviors. I can sit and people watch all day. Which is why I was so enthused to find that there is a whole other world where people are pouring their lives and thoughts out online.

I only stumbled onto the world of online journals just about a year ago. In that time, I have read about a bazillion of them, searching for the gem in a pile of crap. I have found a few that are really good, and always entertaining. But I have also found a lot that just suck ass. What if mine sucks ass too? Ah, who gives a fuck.

Anywho, I am always looking for a good one, so if you have a journal or can recommend a good one, hook a sister up.

My conscience battles with me daily over my relationship with one of my co-workers. I’ll call her Celestia. I chose this as her name because when Anne Heche went loopy-ass crazy in Fresno and started speaking in tongues, she said she was an alien named Celestia. So my co-worker, like her namesake, is crazy. C-R-A-Zmotherfucking-Y. She has been since I first met her. But, back then, we didn’t recognize it because we were friends, and were always drunk when we saw her because we were young and partied 24 hours a day. But, as time went on, and the crazy episodes started happening more and more, we saw that she was a lunatic, and bumped her out of our group.

The one good thing she did do, however, was hook me up with my job. I knew going in that I was going to have to deal with her everyday, but I had no idea to what extent. I have been here just over four years, and since the beginning, at least once a day she pops off with some insane shit that makes me want to strangle her. And she cries. A lot. Normally, I ignore her, or tell her to stay out of my business.

As much as she infuriates me with her lack of professionalism, her immaturity, her gossip, and all around bullshit, her mother is at the end of a horrible battle with breast cancer that has pretty much spread to her whole body. So, not being a complete prick, I am just letting all this nuttiness roll off of my back. Even though she was just as bad before her mom got sick, I figure if I was going through the horrendous pain of having to watch my Mother die, I wouldn’t want someone to tell me what an asshole I am. I almost feel guilty writing about how much I dislike her, but I have to say it somewhere.

I’m really a nice person.

Sometimes.

Surprise, I'm going to hell.

People have a very strong reaction when a woman of "child bearing years" says that she doesn't ever want to have children. I don't understand this. I figure that at 30 years old, I should be pretty settled in my maternal urges, and know whether or not I plan to unleash my spawn onto society.

Well, I don't plan to.

My friend's mother, a strict, traditional Irish Catholic woman, told me that I am committing a sin by not getting married and having children. Sigh. I am neither strict nor religious and I don't go around telling other people how to live their lives. Maybe I need to start, because everybody and their fucking mother (literally!) feels the need to tell me that it's time to \"settle down\". I don't get it. I can't decide if all my friends really are way more uptight than I thought they were, or they're all a little envious of my freedom, since they are all married and starting families. The grass is always greener on the other side, I suppose.

I like being single, but I occassionally do have moments when I wish I was in a relationship that was a bit more serious than the "relationship" that I am in. Which is just sex. Don't get me wrong, the sex is AWESOME with Jason, but that's all it is. Maybe when I meet someone I am interested in for more than just sex, my feelings about settling down will change. But don't count on it. Who the fuck knows. But for now, I am going to keep enjoying the most amazing sex I have ever had.

I am full of contradictions.

It's part of my charm.

A hot cup of Monday morning stupidity.

Ah, Mondays.

Don’t you just love them? Eh, me either. But as Mondays go, this one’s not so bad. I had a pretty good weekend, and got some hot nasty lovin’ last night, so all is good for this girl. At least for now. But I anticipate at least one of the morons I work with will do their best to diminish my good mood. Fuckers.

As I stated in an earlier entry, I really can’t deal with stupid people. I just don’t have the patience. Which is why this morning, my post-coital bliss was almost interrupted by the owner or my company, Mr. Big Shot. Since I work at the front desk in my office, I send out all of the FedEx that we send every day, usually about five or six packages a day, so there are always FedEx envelopes sitting on my desk. That being said, Mr. Big Shot comes up to my desk, frantic, and says “Uh, I need to send these contracts to my broker in New York. Is there some way that we can get them to him overnight??” Did you notice that he didn’t address me by my name? That’s because I am almost certain that after more than four years of working for him, he doesn’t know my name.

“Do you want me to FedEx them?”

“What is that?”

Sigh. How is it that this man, who started this company 35 years ago, and has made it a national multi-million dollar business doesn’t know WHAT THE FUCK FEDERAL EXPRESS IS??? I long for his retirement. But then that would just put his dopey son, Little Big Shot in charge, and I am not sure that would be any better, so I must suffer. I guess there could be worse things to have to put up with at work.

And believe me, I do.

Stupidity, people. It’s an epidemic.

About Me.

Ok. So I probably should give a little background info on yours truly, since I am sure you're dying to know.

My name's Andria.

I am 30, and live alone in Southern California. I have one younger sister, divorced parents and one wonderful stepdad. He and my Mom live about a mile away from me, and own the apartments I live in. You'd think that might get me some discount on rent, but it doesn't. Cheap bastards.

I went to the high school where they filmed Beverly Hills, 90210, a shitty show that I am ashamed to admit I watched. Mostly because I was always looking for myself in the background. That's right, I have seen Luke Perry and Shannen Doherty live and in person. I'll give you a minute to be jealous.

I am an "executive assistant", i.e., glorified receptionist at the corporate office of a national company.

I am single, have no serious boyfriend, but am seeing a few different guys...if you can call it that.

I didn't go to college, which is why I am a 30 year old receptionist. As soon as I figure out what I want to be when I grow up, I am going back to school.

I am a dork. Nerd. Geek. Whatever. I love documentaries, trivia and other board games, watch too much TV, read a lot, and would rather stay in than go to some god-awful club full of people I can't deal with.

I am attracted to smart men. Pretty boys are ok for five minutes, but that big brain is what gets me hot. And if he's funny, too... oh, sweet juicy Jesus, do I get excited.

I have no tolerance for stupidity. People with no basic common sense have no place in society, and should be eliminated. God, that would make my morning commute SO MUCH EASIER.

I am a total chat whore. I love to meet and chat with other people, so if you see me on, do say hi.

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y NIGHT!

Sigh. It's Saturday night, and here I am, posting in an online journal. I have become something of a bore in the last year. I pretty much spent my 20's partying in some bar, and now, I have to confess, I quite enjoy waking up before noon on Sunday (but not much before) and not feeling like I got ran over and drug five miles down the street the night before.


Now that all of my traiterous girlfriends have run off and found some lunatic man to spend the rest of their lives with, I am the lone single girl in the group. Which, I must confess, leaves me a bit frustrated. I have spent a big chunk of my single childless income on wedding gifts, bridal shower gifts, and baby shower gifts. Where in the hell is the "no husband/no kid" shower for me, damn it? Am I to be punished because I am not contributing to the already over-populated planet or to the national divorce rate? I know, I know, I sound bitter. And, well, maybe I am. I mean, I don't get any gifts, no tax benefits... all because I have no spouse or child. Eh, whatever.


Tomorrow something altogether different will probably piss me off.

Brand New.

I have no clue what compelled me to think other people would be interested to read about my nerdy, boring life, but here it is.


A little about me...


1. My favorite color is purple.

2. I am almost twelve years older than my sister, who is my only sibling.

3. I was on People's Court with my friends back in the day.

4. I have had the same best friend since I was 14.

5. I have a white cat named Ike and a black cat named Boo.

6. My favorite food is cheese.

7. I crashed my first car less than a month after I got it.

8. I hate fish.

9. My favorite sense is sense of smell. Taste. Sight. Touch. Sound. Oh, screw it. I love them all.

10. I would be happier to live in a tiny house by the ocean than a giant estate in the country.

11. My favorite song is \"when a man loves a woman\" by Percy Sledge.

12. I don't (can't) dance.

13. I hate to be the center of attention.

14. Sometimes I am too sensitive.

15. Sometimes I am not sensitive enough.

16. I wish I could sing. Draw. Write. Paint.

17. I love the Godfather.

18. I love the Godfather II.

19. I hate the Godfather III.

20. I love foreign films.

21. I love the work of Vincent Van Gogh.

22. I wish I was in love.

23. I took French for three years in high school and haven't spoken a word of it since.

24. I hated high school.

25. My Grandmother's funeral was on my 20th birthday.

26. I embarrass easily.

27. I wish I was getting laid right now instead of making this silly list.

28. I don't think Ryan Seacrest is gay, but I think Vin Diesel is.

29. Sometimes I am a real dork.

30. I love porn.

31. I hate reality tv.

32. My favorite tv show is Seinfeld.

33. The first concert I saw was Rick Springfield. Oh yeah, baby.

34. I have a terrible memory.

35. I probably watch too much tv.

36. I have kept a journal since I was ten.

37. When I was little, I wanted to be an astronaut.

38. I have written letters to three US presidents.

39. I have letters from three US presidents.

40. I don't eat eggs.

41. I have never broken a bone.

42. I love accents.

43. My favorite flowers are tulips. But I'll happily take a bouquet of anything.

44. I refuse to get a cell phone.

45. I love Abba.

46. I love ice cream.

47. My favorite kid on the planet was born on 9/9/99, weighed 9 pounds, and was born at 9:48.

48. I am afraid of clowns.

49. I love really bad movies.

50. I want to rent a big old motorhome and drive across country with my friends and go to Graceland.

51. My real Dad is ULTRA conservative, and accuses me regularly of being a “liberal communist.”

52. I made out with a girl once when I was 17, but that was my only brush with lesbianism.

53. Growing up, people have always told me I should be a comedian. I tried to write jokes, and I failed miserably.

54. I came in second place in a California state spelling bee when I was in fifth grade. Yeah, I am cool.

55. I would rather sit and do nothing at home then go to a club. I despise clubs.

56. I like to be alone.

57. I am deathly afraid of flying.

58. I hope I get over it, because there are places I want to go that my little Toyota Corolla won’t drive to.

59. I once saw the kid from “Who’s the Boss” in a gay club in West Hollywood before he was out of the closet. His boyfriend was HOT.

60. Jim Carrey once told me and Kay that “only L. Ron Hubbard could help” us.

61. I have seen Depeche Mode in concert more than 20 times since I was 13.

62. I once got thrown out of a Motley Crue concert when I was 15 because my uncle, who I went with, punched one of their roadies after he tried to get a backstage pass. Later on that night, we saw Motley Crue on Sunset Blvd. walking into a club called The Rainbow, and he tried to pass me off as 21 to get us in. It didn’t work.

63. If it did, it would have been me on that tape instead of Pamela Anderson.

64. I don’t like scary movies. Any kind of freaky, supernatural movie will scare the crap out of me, and unless there is a man living with me, I refuse to watch them. I am a sissy, I know.

65. I saw a ghost when I was 18. It was my uncle who died of lung cancer when I was 15.

66. After he died, I swore I would never take up smoking, but I did when I was 18. I quit when I was 25.

67. I have an expensive lip gloss and purse habit.

68. I can’t live without Diet Coke. It is my caffeinated dark lord.

69. 69!

70. The first time I got caught ditching school, I told the dean that I skipped school to protest an abortion clinic. She let me off the hook.

71. I changed my grades on my report cards more times than I care to admit to. I never got caught.

72. I didn’t go to my prom. And I don’t regret it.

73. I have often been called bitter. And caustic.

74. I have only been in one serious relationship.

75. I think I might like to be in another one.

76. I once made out with a total stranger at a Dave Mathews Band concert.

77. I think kissing is just about the best thing in the world.

78. I have anxiety, and used to have panic attacks every day. I still have them occasionally, but have mostly learned to control them.

79. I am almost painfully shy around strangers.

80. I have had a dirty dream about someone who reads this diary.

81. I didn’t go to my high school graduation. I don’t regret that, either.

82. I would rather watch Goodfellas eight thousand times in a row than any movie starring Vin Diesel.

83. The first record I bought with my own money was “Off the Wall” by Michael Jackson. The first CD I ever bought was “Off the Wall” by Michael Jackson. That’s one of my favorite albums EVER.

84. My first boyfriend, in sixth grade ended up being flamboyantly gay. We are still friends, and I adore him. And his HOT ASS boyfriend.

85. Homophobia makes me sick. I have no tolerance for homophobic and/or bigoted people.

86. Needless to say, there are many members of my family I don’t speak to for that reason.

87. The first movie I remember seeing was Grease. It was at a drive-in, and I saw it at least ten times. It is one of my favorite movies ever, and I wore out two VHS tapes because I watched it so many times.

88. My brain is full of useless trivial information, that will never be helpful for anything except playing Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.

89. Turning 25 was harder than turning 30.

90. My smart-assed mouth has almost gotten my ass kicked on many occasions. But I have not been in a fight since I was 18. It was with a guy who called me a “trashy cunt.”

91. I didn’t win.

92. I turned down a free trip to Ireland because of my fear of flying. I regret that still. I hope to see Ireland, England and Italy.

93. I have almost died twice.

94. I have little or no sympathy for most people. At lease people I don’t know (and sometimes not even for the people I do).

95. I learned how to crochet when I was a girl. I have started about fifteen blankets, and never finished one. I have a closet full of unused yarn.

96. My great-grandmother, who was a Cherokee Indian, used to tell me there was spirits around me all the time, and she used to speak to them. She also told me that if I ever tried to contact the spirits, or use something like a Ouija board (which she said woke the evil spirits), the spirits would harm me. Nice thing to tell an eight year old.

97. I am smarter than most people give me credit for, in spite of not going to college.

98. When I was a little girl, after watching The Parent Trap, I started speaking with a British accent, and didn’t stop for like a month. It drove my whole family crazy. I have been obsessed with accents ever since.

99. I can’t stand that George Bush knows he is saying “nuclear” wrong, but keeps saying “nucular” anyways. I hate people that are proud to be stupid.

100. I probably repeated things on this list. It’s hard to come up with 100 stupid things about me. So you’re only getting 99.