Brand New.

I have no clue what compelled me to think other people would be interested to read about my nerdy, boring life, but here it is.


A little about me...


1. My favorite color is purple.

2. I am almost twelve years older than my sister, who is my only sibling.

3. I was on People's Court with my friends back in the day.

4. I have had the same best friend since I was 14.

5. I have a white cat named Ike and a black cat named Boo.

6. My favorite food is cheese.

7. I crashed my first car less than a month after I got it.

8. I hate fish.

9. My favorite sense is sense of smell. Taste. Sight. Touch. Sound. Oh, screw it. I love them all.

10. I would be happier to live in a tiny house by the ocean than a giant estate in the country.

11. My favorite song is \"when a man loves a woman\" by Percy Sledge.

12. I don't (can't) dance.

13. I hate to be the center of attention.

14. Sometimes I am too sensitive.

15. Sometimes I am not sensitive enough.

16. I wish I could sing. Draw. Write. Paint.

17. I love the Godfather.

18. I love the Godfather II.

19. I hate the Godfather III.

20. I love foreign films.

21. I love the work of Vincent Van Gogh.

22. I wish I was in love.

23. I took French for three years in high school and haven't spoken a word of it since.

24. I hated high school.

25. My Grandmother's funeral was on my 20th birthday.

26. I embarrass easily.

27. I wish I was getting laid right now instead of making this silly list.

28. I don't think Ryan Seacrest is gay, but I think Vin Diesel is.

29. Sometimes I am a real dork.

30. I love porn.

31. I hate reality tv.

32. My favorite tv show is Seinfeld.

33. The first concert I saw was Rick Springfield. Oh yeah, baby.

34. I have a terrible memory.

35. I probably watch too much tv.

36. I have kept a journal since I was ten.

37. When I was little, I wanted to be an astronaut.

38. I have written letters to three US presidents.

39. I have letters from three US presidents.

40. I don't eat eggs.

41. I have never broken a bone.

42. I love accents.

43. My favorite flowers are tulips. But I'll happily take a bouquet of anything.

44. I refuse to get a cell phone.

45. I love Abba.

46. I love ice cream.

47. My favorite kid on the planet was born on 9/9/99, weighed 9 pounds, and was born at 9:48.

48. I am afraid of clowns.

49. I love really bad movies.

50. I want to rent a big old motorhome and drive across country with my friends and go to Graceland.

51. My real Dad is ULTRA conservative, and accuses me regularly of being a “liberal communist.”

52. I made out with a girl once when I was 17, but that was my only brush with lesbianism.

53. Growing up, people have always told me I should be a comedian. I tried to write jokes, and I failed miserably.

54. I came in second place in a California state spelling bee when I was in fifth grade. Yeah, I am cool.

55. I would rather sit and do nothing at home then go to a club. I despise clubs.

56. I like to be alone.

57. I am deathly afraid of flying.

58. I hope I get over it, because there are places I want to go that my little Toyota Corolla won’t drive to.

59. I once saw the kid from “Who’s the Boss” in a gay club in West Hollywood before he was out of the closet. His boyfriend was HOT.

60. Jim Carrey once told me and Kay that “only L. Ron Hubbard could help” us.

61. I have seen Depeche Mode in concert more than 20 times since I was 13.

62. I once got thrown out of a Motley Crue concert when I was 15 because my uncle, who I went with, punched one of their roadies after he tried to get a backstage pass. Later on that night, we saw Motley Crue on Sunset Blvd. walking into a club called The Rainbow, and he tried to pass me off as 21 to get us in. It didn’t work.

63. If it did, it would have been me on that tape instead of Pamela Anderson.

64. I don’t like scary movies. Any kind of freaky, supernatural movie will scare the crap out of me, and unless there is a man living with me, I refuse to watch them. I am a sissy, I know.

65. I saw a ghost when I was 18. It was my uncle who died of lung cancer when I was 15.

66. After he died, I swore I would never take up smoking, but I did when I was 18. I quit when I was 25.

67. I have an expensive lip gloss and purse habit.

68. I can’t live without Diet Coke. It is my caffeinated dark lord.

69. 69!

70. The first time I got caught ditching school, I told the dean that I skipped school to protest an abortion clinic. She let me off the hook.

71. I changed my grades on my report cards more times than I care to admit to. I never got caught.

72. I didn’t go to my prom. And I don’t regret it.

73. I have often been called bitter. And caustic.

74. I have only been in one serious relationship.

75. I think I might like to be in another one.

76. I once made out with a total stranger at a Dave Mathews Band concert.

77. I think kissing is just about the best thing in the world.

78. I have anxiety, and used to have panic attacks every day. I still have them occasionally, but have mostly learned to control them.

79. I am almost painfully shy around strangers.

80. I have had a dirty dream about someone who reads this diary.

81. I didn’t go to my high school graduation. I don’t regret that, either.

82. I would rather watch Goodfellas eight thousand times in a row than any movie starring Vin Diesel.

83. The first record I bought with my own money was “Off the Wall” by Michael Jackson. The first CD I ever bought was “Off the Wall” by Michael Jackson. That’s one of my favorite albums EVER.

84. My first boyfriend, in sixth grade ended up being flamboyantly gay. We are still friends, and I adore him. And his HOT ASS boyfriend.

85. Homophobia makes me sick. I have no tolerance for homophobic and/or bigoted people.

86. Needless to say, there are many members of my family I don’t speak to for that reason.

87. The first movie I remember seeing was Grease. It was at a drive-in, and I saw it at least ten times. It is one of my favorite movies ever, and I wore out two VHS tapes because I watched it so many times.

88. My brain is full of useless trivial information, that will never be helpful for anything except playing Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.

89. Turning 25 was harder than turning 30.

90. My smart-assed mouth has almost gotten my ass kicked on many occasions. But I have not been in a fight since I was 18. It was with a guy who called me a “trashy cunt.”

91. I didn’t win.

92. I turned down a free trip to Ireland because of my fear of flying. I regret that still. I hope to see Ireland, England and Italy.

93. I have almost died twice.

94. I have little or no sympathy for most people. At lease people I don’t know (and sometimes not even for the people I do).

95. I learned how to crochet when I was a girl. I have started about fifteen blankets, and never finished one. I have a closet full of unused yarn.

96. My great-grandmother, who was a Cherokee Indian, used to tell me there was spirits around me all the time, and she used to speak to them. She also told me that if I ever tried to contact the spirits, or use something like a Ouija board (which she said woke the evil spirits), the spirits would harm me. Nice thing to tell an eight year old.

97. I am smarter than most people give me credit for, in spite of not going to college.

98. When I was a little girl, after watching The Parent Trap, I started speaking with a British accent, and didn’t stop for like a month. It drove my whole family crazy. I have been obsessed with accents ever since.

99. I can’t stand that George Bush knows he is saying “nuclear” wrong, but keeps saying “nucular” anyways. I hate people that are proud to be stupid.

100. I probably repeated things on this list. It’s hard to come up with 100 stupid things about me. So you’re only getting 99.