Fuck Tony! Toni! Tone! It does rain in Southern California.

Whenever it rains in Southern California, the TV news goes apeshit and tries to make everyone panic that the end of the world is coming because water is falling from the sky. Anarchy in the streets, madness on the freeways, and a general sense of chaos is what they make it sound like. Every dickhead reporter is standing outstide somewhere in a rain poncho, looking like they are clinging to life to tell me that, yes, it is indeed raining.

It's always the lead story on the news, and they always give it some dramatic name like "Storm Watch 2004" or some shit like that. Never mind 44,000 people are dead in South Asia in a disaster of epic proportions, it's drizzling in Los Angeles, motherfucker. We have priorities.


So, since my surgery, I have had a few "complications." As a result, a nurse comes to my house every other day to fix me. Well, yesterday I had a male nurse that was so damn hot I didn't know what to do with myself. He was absolutely gorgeous, and that's not a word I use to describe men very often.

Well, in my sexually frustrated state, I didn't even realize that while he was fixing me, I was flirting my ass off. I was trying to be as cute and charming and funny as I possibly could. This is how bad I am, people. This guy more or less has his hands inside my stomach and I am trying to pick him up.

Smooth, Andria.

The worst part of all of it is, while I was wooing him with my winning sense of humor, he told me what a \"great personality\" I had. Fuck that. I am so sick of hearing what a great personality I have. Then I told myself he was probably gay or had a tiny penis. Or both. I'll tell myself whatever to make me feel better.


Since the rain was nice enough to knock out my satellite reception, today I am going to dork out on my couch watching the Seinfeld DVD's Santa was nice enough to bring me.

Best. Show. Ever.

Pray for me, people. Pray that I survive this horrendous downpour.

I mean, it IS Storm Watch 2004.