Ah, the warmth of love and family.

Christmas, like Thanksgiving, is one of the few days a year when my Mom's whole family is contained in one house, forced to tolerate one another for the sake of family and holiday cheer. Well, in the past I have had the benefit of champagne and beer to fill me with my own particular brand of cheer and make the whole thing pleasant.

Being that I can't drink for a long time, this is the first completely sober family holiday I have had in a while. It's a whole different way of seeing things.

My Mom's sisters, her brother, and my Grandmother are all in denial. My Aunt Susie thinks that if you have a Coach bag and MAC lip gloss on that no one will notice that she and her husband hate each other and go the entire night not talking to one another. Or my Aunt Jane, who thinks that as long as she prays to that whacked Mormon God of hers that it's ok that her kids are assholes to their parents and treat them like shit in front of the rest of the family. Or my Uncle Steve, who is 46 years old, makes a hundred grand a year and still lives with his Mother and has not had a girlfriend (or a date even) in about fifteen years. Or my racist Grandmother, who badmouths everyone, especially the hispanic people, but thinks it's ok as long she spoils her half-Mexican great-grandsons. I won't even get started on my Aunts' kids. That's a whole other entry. Needless to say, my Mom, Dad and sister are the most normal ones of the bunch, and I think that says something.

Something scary.

Don't get me wrong. I love my family. I do. But sometimes they make it really hard to like them.



On a funny note, the UPS man was delivering a package to me today and my cat Ike ran out the door and scared the shit out of him, and I thought it was going to make this grown man piss himself.

Ike's not fat, he's just big-boned.



Even if your family is as nutty as mine, do have a merry Christmas and enjoy yourselves.

Happy Festivus!!