Even in heaven, we're still white trash.

Ok.

So I was reading a friend’s journal entry today, and she was talking about that TV movie from a few weeks ago, “The Five People You Meet in Heaven.” She wondered if you have more than one great love in your life, which one do you hang out with in Heaven (or the afterlife, or whatever the fuck you believe in)? I have perhaps the best example of this question in my very own family.

Que the banjos, people. This is a good one.

When I was little, my Dad’s brother married this chick, Linda. Fast forward about fifteen years, The Uncle gets lung cancer and dies after a long and painful battle. Sad, right? Well, about a year later, after many mysterious days when Linda would just disappear to “think and be alone,” she announces to my family (and still very much grieving Grandmother ) that she and my Dad’s OTHER FUCKING BROTHER are in love, and are getting married, and that she’s pregnant. Jesus H. Christ.

I felt like I was living in the trailer park version of Dynasty or Dallas. But what really perplexed me about the whole thing (besides the Jerry Springer-ness of it all) was that now that she was having a kid with one brother, what did that make that kid in relation to the two kids she had from the first brother? Half-sister? Cousin? Half-cousin?? What is the technical term?

So, when all three of them are in Heaven, who does Linda go to? Will the two uncles duke it out? Will she be with both?

Who the fuck knows.

Unfortunately, that is not even the white-trashiest story about my family. But I'll save those for later.