Tv retards, parking lot retards, and work retards.

The best performance by a lesbian comedian in a dramatic role as a retard that's not supposed to funny, but is: Rosie O'Donnell.

Jesus Christ, was that movie bad. I can't possibly accurately describe the subtle nuances of Rosie's dramatic debut as a 'tard, and even in spite of my complete lack of personal interaction with the "developmentally challenged," I can only say that it was horrible and hilarious all at the same time.

Pretty.

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Thanks to my girl ravengreen for reminding my lame ass that the new Nine Inch Nails record came out today.

Mmmmm... Trent Reznor.

Do me, Trent, you creepy weirdo. And play "Pretty Hate Machine" while you're at it. Thanks.

Poverty be damned, I also bought the new New Order record, too. I so love New Order.

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I am totally fed up with all the goddamned SUV's on the road. The size of these monstrosities makes me crazy.

I can not imagine what possible reason any person could have for driving an Excursion, or a Hummer, or any of the other beasts the car companies keep spitting out. Do you get off spending $80 on a tank of gas? Blocking any kind of vision that someone in a regular-size car may need to, oh, I don't know... fucking drive???

I hate these people.

And if you're one of those people, well, then I guess I hate you, too.

I went to the store to get the CD's I mentioned earlier, and when I came out, my Toyota Corolla, which is small, and fits in every parking space on Earth, was completely boxed in on both sides. On one, an Expedition, and on the other, a Hummer. There wasn't even enough room for me to get in on my passenger side, which really makes me wonder how the assfuck in the Expedition got out of his stupid vehicle.

I sat and waited... and waited... for about fifteen minutes, until finally, the idiot in the Hummer that was blocking my driver's side came out.

"Oh, looks like I got a little close. Sorry."

"Yeah, just a little." About twenty feet further away, was a whole row of parking spaces that he could have parked his tiny cockmobile in.

"So what'd you buy?" Are you kidding me? Now he wants to chit-chat?

"Uh... Nine Inch Nails and New Order. You?"

"Kelly Clarkson."

"Manly." I can't talk too much shit about his choice. I have that CD, and I like it. Save the jokes, you shitheads. 'Since You've Been Gone' is a damn good pop song.

"What?"

"Uh - nothing. See ya."

Then he got in the godforsaken Hummer and left.

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Margie, my favorite co-worker, and probably the only person that has talked me out of killing Celestia, is from Nicaragua. She has lived in this country for about twenty years, but her English is still sketchy sometimes. She doesn't quite get certain phrases, and pronunciation. Today, another co-worker asked her what was wrong, and that she seemed "put out" when he asked her to do something. Well, misunderstanding, she thought the guy was calling her a whore, and screamed at him in Spanish for a few minutes, until I explained what the phrase meant.

She also emailed me and asked me what the phrase "tivers me shimbers" meant. God bless the foreigners.

I told her about Celestia's calendar noting the start of her period, and we decided that we're going to get a card to help her celebrate her special day on Thursday. Heck, maybe we'll even stick a couple of tampons in the envelope as a gift to mark the occassion as well.

I'm a giver, people.

I give, because I love.