It's my party and I'll cry if I want to.

Isn’t it funny how we laugh so heartily at the expense of others until one day, you are reading something that is making fun of you, and then you get all retarded and sensitive?

That happened to me today.

Ah, sweet hypocrisy… how I love you so!!

I make fun of so many people in this diary (myself included), that I really have no right to get upset about anything. I am not angry, just disappointed that the diarist would make such a sweeping generalization. I mean, I hate most of the blacks and Jews, but not all of them.

I need to stop being so fucking sensitive. This week has been particularly rough for me, feelings-wise. I had a run-in at work, got a nasty email from some fuck who managed to assess my entire personality and condemn me based only on this diary, had every ounce of self-confidence I had dashed with one photo, and was let down, yet again, by another man.

Didn’t I just say in my last entry that I was going to stop feeling sorry for myself?

Jesus.

Actually, I am over it now. Mostly.

---

Today was Administrative Assistants’ Day (what a joke), and since I am a receptionist corporate executive administrative assistant, there was a gorgeous arrangement of pink and yellow roses (my favorite colors of roses) on my desk.

I am not a girly-girl by any means, but flowers really do it for me.

Celestia, who used to be the receptionist before I was, actually sent herself flowers today because she doesn't get them from the office anymore. What a fucking psycho. She also sent me this email:

"Do you think if you're going to take a three hour lunch you could let me, or the office know? Since I have to back up the phones for you while you're out, it really limits what work I can get done without constantly picking up the phone."

This email was bullshit for about a million reasons. One, two of our BOSSES are the ones that took me to a three hour lunch. Two, answering the phone is probably the smallest part of my job. The phone rings on average about once every fifteen minutes. Three, fuck her. I don't need any more reasons. So I emailed her back:

Celestia, while I am certain you probably blind copied [HR Boss] in on your email, I will be more than happy to let her know how unhappy you are that she took me out to lunch for two hours today. Also, [CFO Boss] was there too, so you may want to take it with him as well. I seem to remember an email that [HR Boss] sent Margie and I inviting us to this lunch, and I know she copied you in on it, so I know you knew about it. But I can find it and forward it to you if you like. How weird that you're not getting certain emails! Hmmm... I get all of mine, and all my sent emails get to the proper recipients, yet yours don't. Maybe you should talk to [Diva] about it.

Have a great day!!

Andria : )

Sometimes I feel like a bad person for taking such pleasure in fucking with her, but you have no idea just how much she deserves every bit of it. I have often thought of doing an entry that explains the history of our friendship and how she wrecked it, but it's so long and ridiculous, I don't think anyone would believe half the shit she has done.

We'll see. Maybe one day when I can't come up with anything more clever than my usual crap I'll write it.

---

I got a funny phone call at work.

“Good morning, [my company name].”

“Bart Bradford, please.”

“I’m sorry, sir, there’s no one in this office by that name.”

“Oh, this isn’t 800-555-5555?”

“Well, about twenty different numbers ring into my phone. That very well could be one of them. However, I think perhaps you misdialed.”

“Oh. Well, where did I call? Where are you located?”

“We’re in Southern California…Redondo Beach.”

“Can I ask you a question?” Experience has taught me that
there is no way to be prepared for what is coming next.

“Sure. Go ahead.”

“If Governor Schwarzenneger was in the college of cardinals, do you think he would have voted for the new pope?”

What.

The.

Fuck.

“Pardon me? You know you called a factoring company, right?”

“Well, do you think the Governor would have voted for the pope if he was in the college of cardinals? I mean, he’s a pretty moderate conservative, he’s Austrian, and the new pope was a nazi, so I was just curious what your views were.”

I am so good at attracting the weirdos no matter where I am.