What men think. Or don't.

Today I ditched work early and went to happy hour and dinner with my friend Turtle.

We met at a bar around the corner from my office (the same one I saw Jason and Celestia at on Friday). We were talking about stuff that’s going on in both of our lives – our jobs, friends, families, etc. He told me that he was breaking up with his girlfriend of six years, because he can’t tolerate her bossiness and her jealousy anymore. And I sat there for a minute, and I said to him, “Turtle, you stupid fuck. Why would you ever tolerate it to begin with?”

“I don’t know.”

There is a reason his lovely girlfriend didn’t join us. Because I fucking hate her. She’s a controlling bitch, has a smart mouth, and thinks she is better than everyone else. And I have told him that. Because he is my friend, and I love him, I have told him he can do better, and that he deserves a woman who will respect him and treat him like a human being. Not like the dog she obviously thinks he is.

Evil example: For Christmas, a few years ago, Turtle bought her a pair of diamond earrings. Turtle is a teacher for Los Angeles County, and teaches in a ghetto. He makes next to no money, but he loves teaching, and would do it for free. The earrings were ¼ carat, I think. She opened them (in front of his whole family) and told him to take them back, and not to buy her any unless they were at least a full carat. See what I am talking about? EVIL.

We talked some more, and then he told me that he wishes he could find a girl like me.

HELLO!! I’M A GIRL LIKE ME!

Do you know how many of my fucking male friends have said that to me? I hate it.

I wasn’t sure how to respond, so I just said, “Well, what’s wrong with me?You could have me instead of a cheap Andria knock-off.”

“Dude, I couldn’t date you. You’re my friend! It would be like dating my sister. You’re like one of the guys to me.”

All of these guys complain about girls who are bossy, and bitchy, and don’t let them do anything their friends, and only care about money. Yet, those are they only types of girls they date.

What the fuck?!

I never thought having the personality that guys claim to love so damn much would end up fucking me in the end (not literally, you pervs).

I am beginning to think “you’re like one of the guys” is man-code for “you’re ugly and smell like dogshit.”

Or, it just proves that guys would rather date the asshole with no personality and the smoking body rather than the smoking personality with the less desirable body.

I don’t get it.