Why do it now when you can wait til the LAST POSSIBLE MINUTE?

Jesus Christ. If you haven’t already figured it out, I am the biggest retard on the planet. Today is April 14th, and you know what I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN’T DONE YET?

Now I have to be the dumb fuck that goes to the post office on April 14th to get tax forms. Every year, my taxes are done as soon as I get my w-2 in January or February. I am losing my mind.

Sometimes I am amazed I even remember to dress myself before I walk out the door in the morning - that doesn’t count the times I have gotten halfway to work and realized I had no bra on. I have a sickness, people. It’s called stupidity.

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Maybe it’s just me, but it’s probably not a good idea to leave your “Soldier of Fortune” magazine on your desk for all of your co-workers to see and get creeped out. It might not be so bad, were it not followed by a long and rambling conversation with one of your co-workers about your many, many guns, and how much you enjoy them.

But, like I said, maybe it’s just me.

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I was chatting with my friend J in Boston last night. J’s Mom and my Mom were best friends back in my Mom’s pothead party days. In their weird little freedom rock-loving, barfly cult, they all had these strange nicknames. Jessica’s mom was “Pandora”, and my mother (in what can only be biting sarcasm) was “Sunshine.” Damn hippies.

My friends keep telling me it’s some weird swingers-type deal, but I fucking refuse to even acknowledge that there is one little bit of a possibility that that could even
remotely be true.

I am still not even fully recovered from the last time I heard them having sex.

She’s coming out here next month for a couple of days and I am so excited I may piss myself. I haven’t seen her since I was 23.

J: this chat is going to end up on your blog.
AndriaL24: Probably. Say something nasty and it will.
J: I have a yeast infection.
AndriaL24: Oh you rotten-pussied whore. That’s disgusting.
AndriaL24: Dude, when you come out here, we are all cocked, all the time. It’ll be SO WICKED.
J: Stop making fun of the way I talk.
J: DUDE.
J: WHATEVER.
AndriaL24: “Pandora & Sunshine 2: Attack of the Offspring”
J: God those names fucking suck. Our moms are so lame.
AndriaL24: No way. My mom is wicked fucking cool.
J: Bitch.
AndriaL24: Red Sox are a bunch of queers.
J: I have to go now. You’re a whore.
Andria: No, I am a hoar. My Fan told me so.

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I'm off to lunch with Celestia.

Save Me.