Striving For Mediocrity: Me and The Wolf.

So, after dating for six minutes, Renee “Sourpuss” Zellweger married Kenny Chesney.

What the…????

I used to like Kenny Chesney (I like some country – pretty much nothing in the last five or six years though, since it doesn’t sound anything like country), until he tried to turn himself into a twangy Jimmy Buffet. There’s already a Jimmy Buffet, Kenny. Go back to singing how girls like your tractor, mmmk?

I don’t know what happened to Renee Zellweger. I think she was completely adorable in Empire Records and Jerry Maguire, then she hit the wall. I don’t know where it went wrong. Someone also needs to start stuffing bacon cheeseburgers down her throat NOW. She is way too skinny. And she always looks like she’s sucking on a lemon.

Something happened on Saturday that I was hesitant to talk about, because I didn’t want to jinx it, but at this point, I don’t care.

Backstory: I am in a couple of groups on Yahoo, and a guy that is also in one of them started IM-ing me a few months ago. We chatted off and on, mostly leaving little offline messages because we were never on at the same time. About a month ago, we started having actual conversations that were a few hours at a time.

His name (at least here) is Wolf. 32, single, engineer. As soon as I heard engineer, I got excited, because I am so drawn to geeky smart guys. He was very smart, very sweet, and a really nice guy. I noticed through the course of our conversations he never cursed, which is fine, but I figured as soon as he found out what a potty mouth I am he’d be out the door, so I kept it pretty clean in our chats.

Our chats got disgustingly sweet and complimentary (as unbelievable is it is to think this kind of crap could come out of my mouth, my friend Jeremy can attest to the cheesiness). Example:

Wolf: You are too darn cute!
Andria: No, you are too cute!
Wolf: No you’re the cute one. You are insanely sweet and adorable.
Andria: hehe… so are you! (insert dumb yahoo smileys at the end of every sentence)

See? Fucking SICK. I don’t even know who that chick is. And, it only gets worse from there, believe me. I won’t subject you good people to any more of that. After we admitted how attracted we were to each other, I tried to dirty up the conversation a little to see exactly what I was dealing with (because one thing I have learned is that my first impressions of men are almost always wrong – if I think he’s shy, conservative and uptight, in the bedroom he’s a naked picture-taking dirty boy), and at first he just said that I was leading him to have “unchaste thoughts.” It took a few chats, but I finally got him to admit what those unchaste thoughts were, and… oh, boy. I thought Jason was the dirtiest guy ever, but this guy could give him a run for his money.

Our conversations started becoming really intense, and it was clear we had lots of attraction going on, so I was tired of all the online interaction. I started asking him to meet (he lives in OC, which is about an hour from me), but he kept telling me his work schedule was hectic because of a project he was working on. I got frustrated, and started wondering if he’s one of those dickhead guys who talk girls up online but never back up all that talk by meeting offline. I didn’t get my hopes up.

Well, Saturday, after I got home from RAM’s tee ball game and dinner at Kay’s, he IM’d me as soon as I signed on, and he said rather than talk for three hours online, he would just drive up and we could hang out and talk in person.

He came over, we talked and talked and talked, watched some tv, and… well… some stuff happened that I honestly was not planning on happening, but there was a ridiculous amount of chemistry going on between us. Needless to say, he went home the next afternoon.

Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m a hoar.

Save it.

It was satisfying in about a million ways besides sexually. It was just what I needed.

Now I get to sit here with my girly self-doubt and wonder what (if anything) is going to happen next.

I hate this part.

New Weezer today!

Weeeeee!!