Call me, Brad.

I was having what was sure to turn into a hot dream about one of the Diarylanders I read when I was awakened by a phone call from Kay.

Damn her. And it was just getting good.

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I am happy to report that I have a date set for me to go back to work. Thank god. So I’ve only got two weeks left to enjoy this delicious mind-numbing boredom that I have been in for the last two months.

I stopped by my office yesterday to share the news of my return with the people there that I actually like. Celestia, my evil office nemesis, went out of her way to ignore and pretend she didn’t see me, which is fine. The less I have to deal with her, the better. But no matter what office I was in, she made sure that there was something urgent that needed to be taken care of with whoever’s office I was in. Fucking bitch.

Margie, the crazy Nicaraguan receptionist from downstairs who is doing my job in my absence, says that Celestia has approached her on several occasions and tried to convince her that they should tell my boss how good they can get along without me, and how unnecessary I am. Nice.

I seriously can not believe I was ever friends with this psychotic bitch.

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I am so sick of the details of Brad and Jen’s divorce that I think I may throw up. I mean, is it so shocking that two gigantically famous stars married each other and now it’s over? Do we really need to force Angelina Jolie to make a public statement denouncing her involvement in the split? Or to know that Jen’s selfish career-driven ass didn’t want to wreck her perfect figure to pop out Brad’s kid?

Who cares. Please People, US, Star magazine… find some other hacky celebrities to put on the cover. Paris Hilton just got caught stealing her own sex tape! Isn’t that worth some cover space? Kirstie Ally is fat and miserable (which I am pretty sick of, by the way… either get on the treadmill and shut the fuck up or learn to like yourself, Kirstie) and crying about it to anyone that will listen. Isn’t that good enough?

However, to show that I am not a complete heartless bitch, I would like to offer my services to Brad to help him get through this tough time. Call me, Brad. I'll make you forget all about that skinny bitch.