Hold on, hold on to yourself, for this is going to hurt like hell.

First, I must say thank you to everyone who left comments and sent emails after yesterday's entry. Those words meant a lot.

I took a lot of time yesterday, and thought about things. I spent a lot of time with Sean, John's partner, and he helped me get to a place where I can begin to accept what is to come. John's sense of humor, in the face of all this, also helped to put my feelings into perspective.

This morning, on my way to work, I called his hospital room. As soon as Sean gave him the phone, before he said hello, before anything, he said, "You better be calling to tell me you got laid last night, you whore."

"No, I didn't get laid, you ass. But I am having a hot email affair with a guy in Virginia."

"You're a dirty whore. I can't believe you!"

"..."

"Well?! Is he hot?"

I realized at that moment, it felt like this weight was off of my shoulders. I mean... here he is, tied to machines, knocking on death's door, barely able to breathe, let alone talk, and he wants to know if I am getting laid. At that point, I decided that I was going to have to accept the fact that he was going to be gone, and thank god I had this lovely man in my life as long as I did.

I went to see him on my lunch break. It felt strange going into that hospital to see someone else, instead of me being the patient. And when I got there, I saw my friend in a fashion that could only be described as classic John. He had on his Madonna Virgin Tour T-shirt (our first concert together, and his most prized possession) and a pink feather boa.

I fucking kid you not.

John's humor is fantastic, and I think our two warped senses of humor are what bonded us from the beginning. Well, that and we were both total outcasts at our school.

For my 25th birthday, my Mother threw this hideous party for me with my whole family in attendance. My 25th was the only birthday I didn't look forward to. I didn't dread 30 like I dreaded 25. Kay and DMX were my only friends who were invited. John sent his gift from San Francisco.

When I was opening the gifts in front of everyone, my mom handed me John's to open. I opened the FedEx box and pulled out a long wrapped box. I opened, in front of my whole family (half of them uptight and hugely religious), a huge black double-headed dildo. I think the card said something like "Now you can go tell 25 to fuck itself and you at the same time."

To say I was embarrassed would be putting it mildly. But that is how he is, and it's why I love him.

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In other news, well... soon the pitter-patter of little feet will be heard in my house.

No, not me, you jackholes. Unless you can pregnant from instant messaging, in which case, I would be having a serious discussion with a certain someone.

My sweet little baby girl Boo has been knocked up by some horny tom. Since both my cats are indoor cats, I kept putting off getting her fixed, mostly because I am a procrastinating ass. She ran out when I was taking the trash out, and in less than an hour, came home walking funny. I should have known something was up when my cranky gay cat Ike was sniffing her ass much more voraciously than usual. Then, the other night, she was laying on the bed and rolled over, and I noticed her little cat nipples showing.

When I called the vet to confirm my suspicions, I was told that I could get her spayed now, and for a little more, there would be no kittens. While I am staunchly pro-choice for all cats, I just couldn't do it with mine.

So you're all getting kittens as gifts, because I am not keeping a litter of kittens.

And the day after that whore delivers, she is getting fixed.

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I had an interesting discussion with Celestia and HR Boss at work today.

I hate the magnetic car ribbons. I think they're tacky. I think they're stupid. When I said this, Celestia flipped out.

"My mother died of cancer!"

"So did my grandmother. And my uncle. But just because I don't have a stupid ribbon on my car doesn't mean I like cancer. Who likes cancer? Or autism? Or AIDS? Everyone supports cancer research. You shouldn't have to declare it on your car."

"It's just to show support. Everyone should do it."

"I support it by donating money so more research can be done, instead of buying some stupid magnet that's not supporting ANYTHING. So, what you're saying is, by not having a ribbon on my car, it's like I am driving around yelling 'YAY death! WOO HOO Terminal Illness! Yeah! Autism! War!' Um... no, Celestia. That's just stupid. " It reminded me of the Chris Rock bit when he talks about black guys that brag about being fathers:

"I take care of my kids!"

"...That's what you're supposed to do, you dumb motherucker!"

She didn't cry, but she got really close. I love these moments.

ps - if you're one of those people with a goddamn ribbon...well... don't take offense. I hate everything.

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Thank god it's Friday.

And a three day weekend. Weeee!!!