Roses are red, violets are blue. Fuck Valentine's Day.

I hate Valentine’s Day.

It’s not entirely related to being single; but that is a large part of why I despise this day. What drives me crazy is the forced romance by the jewelry, candy, and greeting card industries. You are bombarded with commercial after commercial, basically telling you that if your significant other (read: men) doesn’t buy you expensive gifts, candy, and flowers on this ONE day, then he/she doesn’t really love you.

While I am single this year, there have been years in the past when I was with someone. Even then I didn’t buy into it, and I would certainly never demand that the man I am with run out and buy shit for me just because some ass at Hallmark told him to.

Every year, Celestia (co-worker/devil) gets a huge arrangement of flowers from her poor misguided boyfriend. And every fucking year, she says to me, “I would hate it if I never got flowers on Valentine’s Day. That must suck for you to be single now.” Isn’t she great?

So, today, when the bouquet arrived, I took them to her desk and sat them down. She looked at me, and said, “I know you must hate this day. You never get flowers.” Bitch.

So I looked right at her, smiled, and said, “Well, [Celestia], I don’t have to threaten the person I am with by not performing the one blowjob you give him a year if he doesn’t buy you something for Valentine’s Day. Don’t you hate that [boyfriend] only gets you stuff because you force him to? I would think that would suck more. It’s kind of sad, really.” She looked at me, didn’t say anything, and ran into the bathroom. Score!! She loves to cry at work. That is her specialty. Well, that and schizophrenia.

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The fact that I AM single today does lend itself a bit of bitterness, I hate to admit. Mostly because if I wasn’t, at least I would know I’m getting laid at the end of the day.

But I’m not. Damn it.