How I made an ass out of myself for the 56498132156th time.

Ouch.

It's 7:40 p.m. and I still feel hungover from yesterday. Goddamn you, alcohol!

Actually, these tasty culprits are to blame (I am, of course, completely blame-free):

Goddamn jello shots. They get me every time. You'd think I would learn by now, but no. And, if I did, how would I entertain you fine people?

Shut up, then.

I got there early and helped Kay and DMX set up for the party, and DMX and I started drinking immediately. He also told me, for the 204564987th time that week that SB and DR, two of his co-workers, were coming. DMX works in television, making about 60k a year for essentially goofing off and watching television for forty hours a week.

I need that job.

The party got started, more people got there, and I was drunk (shocking, I know). I got a call on my cell phone that I went in to the house for about a half hour for, and when I came back, I saw DMX in the garage talking to two guys I didn't know. I knew by how many times he's told me how built SB was, that they were the much hyped co-workers. He called me into the garage to help him re-cap the fabulous "Being Bobby Brown," or "Please somebody save me from my fucking crackhead lunatic wife Whitney" as I like to call it.

I started talking to them, and, well... SB was hot.

You want to take a guess where this is going?

As our conversation went on, my laugh went from "normal adult human" to "idiot-girly giggle" pretty fast. Ugh. I am such a moron around men, I swear. If my hair wasn't in a ponytail, I am quite certain I would have been flipping it.

Those guys were funny as hell, though. If it wasn't for them, I would have been stuck with the hens talking about pregnancy, baby food and pedicures all day. No thank you. Instead, I stood around the barbecue and listened to them make fun of DMX, and tell stories from their work that convinced me it is my destiny to work with these guys. They get to wear shorts and tee shirts every day, talk shit to other people they work with all day, and make a bunch of money for what is not a lot of work.

Again, I need that job.

After I made a complete ass out of myself flirting with SB, it was time for fireworks. After we oooh'd and ahhh'd over the same thing we'd seen a million times before, Kay took the hose and was spraying all the crap into the gutter. She pointed the hose at me and threatened to squirt me, so I ran in the house. I came back out, and went up from behind her and tried to point the hose at her, but instead she got me, we started wrestling, and before we knew it, we were all wet (get your minds out of the gutter, you pervs). Then, in what can only be yet another reason Jesus has it in for me, I totally ate shit right in front of everyone (which shouldn't be surprising, given I am the clumsiest motherfucker on Earth). I was wearing rubber flip-flops, and when they got wet, I slipped right out of them and onto my ass.

So, there I was, on the ground, my shirt soaking wet right in front of the hot guy I was trying to charm the pants off of (literally!) an hour before.

At least my shirt didn't blow up over my head like it did when I ate shit in Vegas.

I know what you're all thinking. It really IS good to be me.

The best part of the whole story is, SB has a girlfriend. DMX, the asshole, failed to mention that to me, because he knew what I would do if I thought he was single.

My friends are the best.

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My head still hurts.

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In another effort to try and find a normal man, I joined matchdotcom. Mostly because I was chatting (quite hilariously, I might add) with the awesome Miss Pea, and she was doing it, too. When I set up my profile, I had to pick a name. Being that I am completely unoriginal, I tried to get Andria24, since most of my screen names are some variation of that. That name was taken, but they had some suggestions:

Andria231753
1234Andria
Bubbleyiddles

Hmmm. The first two make sense. Where the fuck did they get "bubbleyiddles"?

I've gotten a couple of emails, so we'll see what happens.

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Today, I watched RAM for a couple of hours while Kay and DMX went to some work function of hers.

RAM was in the bathroom, and he screamed out, "TT! Come here right now!" Panicking, and thinking his head fell off while he was taking a piss, I ran in the bathroom.

He was standing there, with a shiteating grin on his face, pointing to his boy parts, and said "I have hair down there!"

Wait a minute. When THE HELL did 5 1/2 year-olds start growing pubes? So I looked, and I didn't see anything. "RAM, there's no hair. You don't get that till you're older. When you're a teenager."

"No, TT. Feel it."

"Uh, NO."

I am so glad I don't have kids. I couldn't handle this crap on a regular basis.

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My head still hurts.

Seriously. Bubbleyiddles???