Shocking entertainment news.

If you didn't take my survey, click the link and DO IT.

I have to know what you weirdos think about things.

One of my favorite shows, Reno 911! is back. And thank god, because there is nothing good on tv right now.

If you don't already watch it, you should watch it only for lines like, "I'm going to go home, take a nice quick whore's bath, and head out to the Hometown Buffet."

That’s good stuff, people.

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Proof of my attempt at vehicular tweaker homicide.

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So, in a shocking turn of events, Katie Holmes has announced that she is (dun, dun, dunnn) converting to Scientology.

Who EVER could have seen this coming? I mean, really. The notion that Tom Cruise *might* hook up with a young, impressionable girl and spin that wacky Scientology dogma in such a way that she'll want to be one, is just shocking.

Color me stunned.

I wish he'd just come out of the fucking closet, already.

But don't tell him I said that. He might sue me.

When did Jennifer Aniston become "America's Sweetheart"? Seriously. Because before Brad dumped her ass, I don't recall us loving her especially, as a nation.

I have nothing against her. In fact, I feel for her, being as hot as she is (although entirely too thin), and having her man cheat all over the place, and then losing him to that man-eating baracuda Angelina (call me, Angelina).

But still.

America's sweetheart? I thought that was Julia Roberts. Or Reese Witherspoon. Or me.

Also, they're being called "Brangelina."

Kill me.

Kevin Federline bought Britney a 5.5 carat engagement ring, to replace the one she originally bought.

Where in the sweet hell did that guy get the cash to buy her a 5 carat diamond ring?

If I was Britney (and thank you Jesus for delivering me to the family you did, instead of some hillbillies in Louisiana), I don’t know that I would like wearing a ring that I bought myself.

But that’s just me.

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Monday, my boss' junkie son came in the office, fresh out of rehab.

Considering our last meeting, I about pissed myself because he basically told me he was going to "get me" for getting him into trouble with his dad (which is what led him to the rehab).

Instead, he told me was sorry, and that apologizing to everyone he hurt/threatened/pissed off/stole from, etc. was part of his recovery. I would love to believe he is on the road to recovery, but in the five plus years I have been at my company, he's been to the old rehab four or five times.

But who knows.

I am just glad I don't have to hide under my desk anymore and bring a clean pair of underwear to work everyday.

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Friday night, after I watched RAM, my friends and I went to Hollywood to see The Dan Band. If you don't know, it's the same band in the wedding scene in "Old School." They just cover women's songs.

They kick ass. They also do the best Christmas song ever, "I Wann Rock You Hard This Christmas" (sample lyrics: I want to fill your stocking with my candy cane of joy, so have a merry, merry motherfucking Christmas... I'll send my love train down Santa Claus lane, I'm your little drummer boy). They have a special airing on Bravo this month called "I am Woman."

Check it out.

Dan, the singer, is married to Kathy Najimi, a comedian/actress I like. I related to her from the "funny fat girl" perspective, and she was at the show.

When I saw her, I didn't want to say anything, but Kay told me to stop being such a pussy and just go say hi.

So I did. And I felt like a total dork.

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Whoa.

I bought the new White Stripes CD, Get Behind Me Satan. Sweet fucking hell, is this an awesome CD. I don’t even know what else to say. It is… insanely brilliant.

I also bought the new Foo Fighters. They are a favorite of mine. Plus I want Dave Grohl in a bad way.

Dave Grohl said on Howard Stern the other morning that Foo Fighters and Weezer are touring together in the fall.

I have almost completely boycotted concerts altogether, because I refuse to support Ticketmaster and Clear Channel Communications, but I may have to cave on my principles this time.

Dammit. I hate when I have to cave.

The last time I did, was to see No Doubt and Garbage, and it was completely worth it.

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So I am off work most of this week. I plan to do a whole lot of nothing. I'll probably watch too much porn, and make more dumb mix CD's, since I do that like a total nerd.

I also intend to have a Crappy Movie Marathon: Spice World, Glitter, and Showgirls.

Does it get any better than that?

Only if Bill will lend me his copy of Xanadu.

Spice up your life!