"Be Cool" is not cool. Not fucking cool at all.

I read PurpleCigar's entry about the silver balls she saw hanging from a truck, and I laughed, because I had never heard of such a thing (I don't get out much).

Then, by some weird ass coincidence, I saw this in traffic on my way home from work.

Wow, that guy's got some blue balls.

Fuck, I am so clever.

Many thanks to the Pimp for pointing that diary out.

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I was reading my Entertainment Weekly on my lunch break today, and I read an article about upcoming tv shows for the summer.

Two of them stood out in my mind, and will burn up my tivo.

The first show is the Bobby "where in the hell did my career/life go" Brown reality show. I hate reality shows. But I like watching celebrities imploding more, so I am all over it.

In the article, it says, "Highlights of the reality show include Brown recalling the time he assisted Houston while she was on the toilet - at which time she chimes in, 'That's black love!'"

Huh?

What the fuck?

That's black love, Whitney? Your husband wiping your ass because your-coked out, cracked-out self can't do it? Black people everywhere should be beaming with pride that they have their own brand of romance. And it includes cleaning up shit.

Awesome!

But, that made me think. If that's black love, what is Chinese love?

Or white love?

Or Hispanic love? Does it involve refried beans? Or cheese? Because, seriously, if it does involve cheese, I am going out to find me a latin man right. now.

Who knew Whitney Houston could be so thought provoking?

The second show is some Mark Burnett show about finding a new front man for INXS. This is sad to me for so many reasons. But mostly, because I loved INXS. They kicked ass, and it makes me sad that they can't let the INXS thing go, and start something new. You can't just throw a new guy in and hope no one will notice he's not Michael Hutchence. He was a majority of the appeal for that band. Without him, as talented as the other guys are, it's just not going to be any good, in my opinion.

There was also a cool article on the movie "Manos: The Hands of Fate." Which, if you're any kind of cool dork like me, you know that that is only one of the best (if not the best) Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes EVER.

Watch it.

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Does anyone know where John Travolta lives? Because that motherfucker is in for the beatdown the next time I see him. I watched "Be Cool" this weekend, and I don't know that I've ever seen a movie that was so bad it made me violently angry. I think I got so mad because I expected it to be as good as "Get Shorty", which is a great movie.

WRONG.

What a heaping, stinky pile of shit.

Sleep with one eye open, Johnny. Even your Scientology minions won't be able to save you if we meet in a dark alley.

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I really never thought anyone would read this diary when I started it almost a year ago.

Well, theotherchad is the 50th sucker person to list my diary as a favorite. I feel like he deserves some sort of prize, yet I am unsure what exactly.

As if the gift of my words isn't already enough.

Pfft.

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Bon anniversaire a toi, mon ami.