It's all fun and games til your Mom starts talking about semen.

Hey, guess who the two biggest dorks on the planet are.

Give up?

It's me and Bill.

What started out as a challenge to stick the cheesiest 80's song in our heads in my comments Friday turned into a conversation putting the titles in as dialogue.

AndriaL24 [9:19 PM]: Should I stay, or should I go?
JustUhBill [9:19 PM]: I don't know, because I am Too Shy
JustUhBill [9:19 PM]: You've been Kajagoogoo'ed!!!
AndriaL24 [9:19 PM]: Don't be. I'm mad about you.
AndriaL24 [9:20 PM]: (I just) died in your arms
JustUhBill [9:20 PM]: Oh baby, just you shut your mouth (china girl, David Bowie)
AndriaL24 [9:20 PM]: I knew what it was. You're a hard habit to break.
JustUhBill [9:20 PM]: I want to dance with somebody.
JustUhBill [9:21 PM]: You've been Whitney'ed!
AndriaL24 [9:21 PM]: Rock me amadeus!
JustUhBill [9:21 PM]: You would think I would get tired of doing that.
AndriaL24 [9:21 PM]: I've been waiting for a girl like you!
JustUhBill [9:21 PM]: Red Red Wine makes me feel so fine...
AndriaL24 [9:21 PM]: Keep your hands to yourself.
JustUhBill [9:21 PM]: She's a beauty - a one in a million girl!
AndriaL24 [9:22 PM]: Give her some sexual healing.
JustUhBill [9:22 PM]: TRUE!
AndriaL24 [9:22 PM]: But... Don't, don't you want me?
AndriaL24 [9:22 PM]: It's such a nice day for a white wedding.
JustUhBill [9:23 PM]: Keep feelin' fascination...
AndriaL24 [9:23 PM]: I want to know what love is.
AndriaL24 [9:23 PM]: Because our love's in jeopardy
AndriaL24 [9:24 PM]: And, after all, girls just want to have fun.
AndriaL24 [9:24 PM]: BAM!
JustUhBill [9:24 PM]: Then ask Donny Osmond - he's a "Soldier of Love "
AndriaL24 [9:24 PM]: Time after time. So you say say say.
JustUhBill [9:25 PM]: Damn, we've got the beat!
JustUhBill [9:25 PM]: you'd think it was a manic monday!
AndriaL24 [9:25 PM]: Don't worry, be happy!
AndriaL24 [9:25 PM]: And, Don't stand so close to me. Please.
JustUhBill [9:25 PM]: When I hear that song, I want to do "The Curly Shuffle"
AndriaL24 [9:26 PM]: Really? I want to drive my little red corvette
AndriaL24 [9:27 PM]: A million miles away.
JustUhBill [9:27 PM]: Damn it - I can't think of the words to Arthur's Song from the movie Arthur - "Once in your life you find her - someone who turns your heart around" or something like that.
AndriaL24 [9:27 PM]: hahahaha.. LOSER.
JustUhBill [9:27 PM]: wrong...
JustUhBill [9:27 PM]: not knowing the words to that song makes me a winner. hehehee
AndriaL24 [9:27 PM]: Another one bites the dust!
JustUhBill [9:27 PM]: To all the girl's we've loved before.
JustUhBill [9:27 PM]: I think that is 70s
JustUhBill [9:28 PM]: girls too
AndriaL24 [9:28 PM]: Oh, bill, just cum on feel the noize
AndriaL24 [9:28 PM]: and take the long way home
JustUhBill [9:28 PM]: I will - because my future's so bright I've gotta wear shades!
AndriaL24 [9:28 PM]: Hahaha

That went on for an hour.

Yeah, we're cool like that.

And Bill, I won.

BOOYAH!

We rule.

---

I saw something on television this week that disturbed me. It’s called “Sports Kids Moms and Dads” on Bravo.

It should be called “Here’s 60 minutes worth of evidence why my children should be taken away from me,” because it’s child abuse. These parents force their children to do hours and hours of grueling workouts and training every week.

Example: One psycho mom has her daughter, who’s 7 or 8, in dance and cheerleading. She does 12 hours of working out, in addition to 7 hours of practice. That’s 19 hours A WEEK that this child is working out.

The parents try to defend their actions saying that it’s the kids that really want to do it. What 8 year-old kid do you know wants to spend every minute of their free time running up and down stadium stairs while their dad stands their barking at him to go faster, or have their mother wake them up at five so they can get to the ice skating rink so she can tell you how disappointed she is that you just couldn’t land that double axle?

The most troubling part of all of it is that education is the last priority. One of the kids’ teachers said that the mother regularly pulls her out of class, and she misses whole days because she is off at some competition. The figure skating kid only does half days three days out of the week. He only goes to school full time TWO DAYS A FUCKING WEEK.

Doesn’t sound like any childhood I would enjoy. These parents are so in denial, claiming that it’s the kids who really want it, but they’re too fucking stupid to realize that children want to please their parents, and that the kids have picked up on the fact that success=love in their eyes.

It’s disgusting.

---

The most uncomfortable conversation my sister and I have ever had with our mother, at lunch today. This also came after she had a cosmo before lunch.

Nice.

Mom: What are you guys going to get?
Andria: I am not sure.
Jackie: Shrimp and linguini.
Andria: Nasty fish eaters.
Mom: Fish is good for you. It wouldn’t kill you to eat piece of fish once in while.
Andria: Mom, I am 31. When do you ever recall me liking fish? Why would I start now?
Mom: You should try sushi. You’d love it.
Andria: Uh. NOT.
Mom: We’ll go to Rock and Roll Sushi (trendy sushi place by my house) and you’ll love it. We had this sushi in PV, and this sauce we had tasted just like semen.
Andria & Jackie: Um… what?
Mom: Oh, you know. It was warm, and had this bitter, salty taste. Like cum. Don’t tell me you guys have never swallowed before. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

*shudder*gag*puke*die*

I think that conversation may have traumatized me more than hearing my parents have sex.

Seriously.

Kill me. Now.