It's raining men.

Did you know that when you lose a lot of weight, even your feet get smaller? Because I didn't.

I noticed a while ago that my shoes felt looser, and in the last few weeks, I think I've gone down almost a whole size. Being the cheap motherfucker that I am, I haven't bought any new shoes.

Today, walking down the hall at work, my shoe flew right off my foot (and because I walk really quickly, it went pretty fast and far), and right into Mr. Big Shot's office (which is at the end of the hall). At first I laughed, but then I got scared, and just kind of froze in the hallway. He was on the phone, and I could hear him talking, and as soon as he saw the shoe fly in, he stopped talking and just yelled out, "What the hell?!? What the hell is this shit?!"

I walked in, laughing nervously, and apologized profusely. At first, he didn't see the humor in the situation. In fact, I probably would have pissed myself if he would have started yelling at me (he's small, but oh, so loud and Napoleonic). But after I explained, he laughed and was cool about it. He must have thought it was funny enough to pass along, because when Trophy Wife called in for the 593428th time today, she laughed and said he had told her about it.

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I want to shoot whatever asshole came up with annoying dancing old bald guy ad campaign for Magic Mountain.

Those commercials make me want to gauge my eyes and ears out.

Someone, please. STOP THE MADNESS.

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I was reading in one of my trashy Hollywood magazines (you know, the REAL newspapers) this article where Tawny Kitaen and her 12 year-old daughter Wynter (she also has a daughter named Raine. Come on. Why the fuck can't stars [if you can call Tawny Kitaen a star] name their kids normal names? On the grand scale of celeb names, Wynter's not so bad, but still.) were commenting on young actresses and their bodies (and people wonder why they are all walking eating disorders). There was a picture of some girls I can't remember, and then a picture of Lindsay "someone please give me a Double Double with cheese" Lohan, and Kitaen said "this is definitely the best she's EVER looked."

Ugh. That comment totally disgusted me. As long as stupid people keep telling these dopey actresses that seeing every bone in your body is hot, they're going to keep starving themselves. And all those little girls that run out to her crappy movies like little gum-chewing robots are going to do the same thing, so they can look just like her.

PS - Lindsay, the blonde hair looks like shit. I'm just saying.

Do you know women's clothes actually come in 00 now? That's DOUBLE ZERO. How can you double nothing?

I think I am more disgusted that someone that looks like this is commenting on how others look.

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One of my favorite co-workers, Fajita, had a little baby girl early this morning (ok, he didn't actually have her, his girlfriend did. But you know what I mean). They named her Ella, and given my propensity to hate everyone that gives their babies the trendy name o' the week, it was hard to bite my tongue when he first told me on the phone. But I really like him, so I won't hold it against him.

At least it wasn't fucking Lola.

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So, theotherchad said in his last entry that he was looking for a new band name. I helpfully suggested "It's Raining Men," because that is an awesomely manly and macho sounding band name.

Strangely enough, I don't think he's going to use it.

What.Ever.Chad.

How about The Hanging Chads? The Dangling Participles? Cow Puke? Come on, these are gold, I tell you. GOLD.