A porn review - this is NOT for your pleasure.

Boredom abounds.

I have not had much to do at work all week. I have nothing to do today (not that I exert much effort on Fridays, anyway), except stare at my computer looking really perplexed and involved so everyone in the office doesn’t think I am shiftless ass doing nothing.

Thank god for Diaryland and AIM, otherwise I would be out of my mind with boredom. Are you bored too? Email me. IM me. AndriaL24 at aol dot com. Entertain me, dammit.

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I had a dream last night that I got fired for writing this diary, because I talk about the people I work with. I assume it’s possible that that can happen, given the IT guys here can pretty much track my every keystroke (huh...huhuh… she said stroke), but common sense be damned, it doesn’t stop me.

Plus I have no work to do.

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Are any of you watching Arrested Development? Seriously, it’s one of (if not the funniest) the funniest shows on television, and those fucktards at Fox haven’t renewed it for next season.

This line alone should make you watch this show: “It’s a good thing I blew myself this morning.” Awesome. This show rules.

It frustrates me that in the world of entertainment, if something is not a mega success from DAY ONE, it gets the axe. If a movie doesn’t make eleventy billion dollars its opening weekend, it’s considered a flop and it’s taken out of the theaters to make space for the next piece of Vin Diesel crap. If a record doesn’t sell a 250,000 records its first week of release, it’s considered a failure, and the artist stands the chance of getting dropped from their label. And if a t.v. show doesn’t immediately stomp everyone in the ratings, it’s cancelled.

Did you know Seinfeld wasn’t number one till its fourth or fifth year? That was one of the most successful shows IN HISTORY. A show would never get that kind of chance to build an audience today (Freaks & Geeks, Sports Night, My So-Called Life are a few that got the axe too soon).

I am a t.v. whore. These things frustrate me.

I am a dork, I know.

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Ok, so because I am a pornaholic as well, I bought this movie, not really having any idea what it was about, other than Jenna Jameson was on the cover, and well… that’s enough to get my money.

This is the most bizarre, un-sexy porn I have EVER seen. It’s this weird futuristic, industrial-looking crap with freaky costumes, ugly guys, and midgets on tricycles.

Yeah. Midgets on tricycles.

The movie opens with Jenna being carted off to the electric chair. Her execution is going on, and then it flashes to the porn scenes. The first scene is Jenna with another girl, on a table going at it. And riding around the table is – you guessed it – the midget on the tricycle.

That scene ends and it goes to the next scene, which is some mad scientist looking guy, some girl strapped down in a chair with some kind of dental bondage in her mouth, and Jenna dressed as some psychotic nurse.

Hot, right?

Not so much.

The next scene takes place in the morgue, with Jenna as the mortician, wearing nothing but the bloody plastic mortician’s apron. She’s looking over a table with a dead guy, who has a huge scar going down the front of his body, indicating an autopsy. So she is looking at this guy, and suddenly gets the urge to mount him, and go down on him.

Eww.

Necrophilia, Jenna?

So she’s blowing him, and her magical blowjob skills revive the guy, and they go at it.

And the last scene is the girl from the first scene with Jenna, and a guy (who is actually pretty normal looking and hot), and they go at it. The creepy part of this scene is that there is some boney-looking guy dressed as a school girl, pole dancing in the background.

This movie is so disturbing and un-sexy it’s not even funny.

I want my money back.

I should get a job reviewing porn movies. God knows I watch enough of it for free.

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What a crappy entry.

I need something to do. Or someone.