The obligatory cast page.

I hurried up to post something after that last entry. If you want to see the sensitive, soft side of Andria (who you likely won't see often here), go to the previous entry.

Otherwise, here is the obligatory cast page that I thought I did long ago, but now realize I didn't.Since this diary mostly consists of things that happen in my everyday life, here is a brief description/history of the people who regularly appear in this drivel.

Me - 31, single, lives alone with two cats (one gay, not that there's anything wrong with that) in a suburb of Los Angeles. I have lived in Southern California my whole life, and don't know if I could live anywhere else. I have never been married, and have no kids. In April 2004, I made the decision to have gastric bypass surgery, after a life-long struggle with weight, and had my surgery November 5th, 2004. It is a controversial issue, and people have opinions on them. I will argue the merits of the surgery (only for myself) with anybody who says I took the easy way out or who thinks I am too lazy to do it the hard way.

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The Family

Mom - My Mom is loud, short-tempered, blunt, and impatient. She also struggled through an amazingly abusive childhood where she was physically and emotionally abused on a daily basis, and made a life for herself and her family that she can be proud of. She drives me crazy pretty consistently, but there is no one else I look up to more.

Dad - Actually my Step Dad, who married my Mom when I was eight. Any time I make reference to "my Dad", it will always be about him, since I really consider him to be my Dad. I consider him to be perhaps the biggest blessing in my life, because he was the father that my real Dad couldn't be. He taught me to catch a baseball, drive a car, gave boys who called for me the third degree, and waited up every single time I went out with my friends to make sure I got home alright (and on time). I admire him so much, because most men think their girlfriend's kid is a problem to deal with, or to pawn off on the real father, but he never once made me feel like I was an annoyance that he had to put up with because he loved my Mom. He loved me, too.

Real Dad - It was a long, hard road for me to understand my relationship with my [real] Dad. I always felt ignored, and not cared about, because he never called me, and never really expressed any interest in seeing me. He is a Vietnam Veteran, ultra ULTRA conservative, and perfectly content to be left alone watching C-Span and smoking by himself for the rest of his life. It took me about 18 years to understand that it's ok, and that I shouldn't take his behavior personally, it's just who he is. I now know that he loves me, in his way. He is a lunatic, but I love him anyways.

Jackie - My 20-year old sister who was born after my Mom married my step Dad (so she's my half-sister for all you technical assholes). Even though we are 11 1/2 years apart, we are now at an age where we are more like girlfriends than big sister/little sister. We act like total retards when we are together. We do stupid things like call each other Jackie, even though neither one of us is named Jackie. She is the complete opposite of me physically - short, blonde, skinny, perfect. The bitch.

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The Friends

Kay - Kay is my very best friend in the whole world. We have been pretty much attached at the hip since we were fourteen. We laugh, we love, we cry, we fight... but it's never for too long, because neither one can stand to not talk to the other for very long. She is one of the few people in the world who gets me, and understands what I am thinking sometimes before I even say it. She drives me nuts sometimes, and I drive her nuts, too. But, to quote Ben Affleck, "if I woke up in a hotel room with a dead hooker, [she's] the one I'd call."

John - John is my oldest friend in the world, and the first boy I ever kissed. We met on the first day of school in the sixth grade, and have spoken to each other nearly every day since. I adore him. He is family to me. John found out he was HIV positive in high school, and, now, unfortunately, is dealing with the toll AIDS takes.

Update - John passed away, after a long, and painful battle in June 2005. There is no way to articulate with words the gravity of his death. What I can say, is that I am quite certain I will never meet anyone like that man again. He was smart, brilliant, wickedly clever, raunchy, generous, honest, kind, and loved me unconditionally, even when I acted like a complete bitch. I only hope that everyone can have someone like that in their life, even if only for a while.

DMX - Kay's husband, kick-ass guy and my favorite drinking buddy. In fact, we like drinking together so much, that we created our own holiday. Yeah, we're cool like that.

RAM - RAM is Kay & DMX's 5 year-old son, and the most amazing little person on the planet. He is the closest I will probably ever come to having my own kid. He calls me "TT", because when he was learning to speak, he couldn't get out "auntie". Even though he can say Andria now, he refuses to call me anything but TT, and that's just fine with me. He says things that I can not believe a five year old knows. He does things like suddenly bursting into Riverdance moves out of nowhere, quotes Chappelle's Show and SNL, and runs through the house with his pants pulled down around his ass. Ok, so it's probably not a good idea to encourage a child to moon people, but it's funny.

Briton - Briton is DMX's lifelong best friend, and the only other single person in our immediate group of friends. The matchmaking hens of our group have been trying to get the two of us together since day one, but it'll never happen. I know too many dirty secrets. He's the only other person I know who watches as much porn as I do.

Angela - One of the few people in this diary who didn't get a fake name, only because I couldn't come up with one. She is smart, successful, and gorgeous. She also happens to married to the most lazy, nasty, stupid fuck on the face of the Earth, the retarded Barney (I also didn't make that one up, either, believe it or not). She has a beautiful little baby boy, Jack, who coos like a little angel when I hold him and sing NWA songs to him. Proof that if you sing it in a calm, soothing tone, anything sounds good. Of course his mother doesn't know I sing gangster rap to him, but what she doesn't know won't hurt her.

Mrs. Mitchell - Mrs. Mitchell is a friend that I met after finding her journal online. I am so glad I found that journal... she is a fantastic friend, and a wonderful writer. She has been encouraging and supportive to me exactly when I needed it, and doesn't mind telling me when I am acting like a moron. I adore her.

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The Job

Celestia - Oh, Celestia... where do I even begin? I first met Celestia when her old boyfriend, Dick, played on the same softball team as Kay's ex-boyfriend. We became friends with her, and thought she was great at first, but it didn't take long to realize why she had a list of ex-best friends longer than... well, something that's really long. My history with her is actually very detailed... but to make it brief: We realized she was nuts and quit hanging around her. I lost my job as a nanny and desperately needed a new one, so I kissed her ass just enough to get in where she worked, and it has been a stressfest ever since.

Mr. Big Shot - the owner of the company I work at. Classic Napoleon Complex. He's filthy rich, married to an ex-Playboy playmate that looks about 15 years younger than she actually is, and is pretty clueless about most things. I am in my fifth year at this company, and I don't think he learned my name till about three weeks ago. He is so clueless in fact, that about the eighth week that I was out for my surgery, he walked up to the front desk and asked Margie (who was filling in for me while I was gone), "Hey, where's the other girl? The one who usually sits here?" Nice.

Margie - Margie is my favorite co-worker. She is a sassy Nicaraguan, and makes me laugh constantly at her mispronunciation of English words. She is the best. Were it not for her, I would have shot Celestia in a psychotic rage long ago.

Chris - Chris is my other favorite. We laugh, we make fun of each other, we share porn. He has the distinct benefit of hearing all my trampy stories and he does cool things like buy me lunch all the time for no reason except that he's cool like that. I love him. He has the misfortune of having to work in the same small workspace as Celestia, so I feel for him.

HR Boss - She is my immediate supervisor, but one of about four bosses that I have in that office. She, for being the same age as my Mom, is pretty cool, and loves purses almost as much as I do. She once wrote in my annual review that I "bring a spirit and vitality to the office that, while sometimes alarming, is overall quite entertaining." I think that was her nice way of saying "quit being such a fucking loudmouth smartass all the time, Andria."

CFO Boss - Ok, I haven't mentioned him in the diary before, but I love him, and thought he deserved some mention SOMEWHERE. He is way cooler than he gets any credit for. And he thinks I am brilliant and hilarious, so there.

Soccer Mom - I haven't mentioned her yet, either, but she hates Celestia just as much as I do, so I figure that's worth a mention. Although she is just as crazy as Celestia is, she just doesn't show it as much.

Princess - Princess is a spoiled rich girl, who got her job at my company because her dad is an old friend of Mr. Big Shot. I would like to hate her out of bitter jealousy because she gets whatever she wants, doesn't have to earn anything the hard way, and has a Coach bag in every color, but I really like her. She also thinks I am hilarious. How could I not love her? She also sees what a lunatic Celestia is.

Diva - Diva is the gay, cranky, fanny pack-wearing computer guy in our office. He throws temper tantrums about EVERYTHING. He once threw a fit because the garbage truck was blocking the parking garage entrance for ONE MINUTE. He's insane.

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The Men

X – My most significant relationship. Getting over our break up was the hardest, most exhausting thing I think I have ever gone through, barring the death of a loved one. I was sad, mistrusting, and bitter for years after. But now he is someone who, I am now happy to say, has a nice life for himself.

Jason - Jason is the most recent guy I dated. It was never anything serious. We truly were "friends with benefits". He had just ended a ten year relationship when we met, and I was in no hurry to settle with someone, so we kept it casual. After my surgery, we cooled off in the benefits area, but we're still good friends.

The Hot Egyptian - He is a guy I dated off and on while I was also seeing Jason. He is super-religious, and lets his rich parents rule his life. He told me early on that he would never be serious with me because I was not Egyptian, and his Dad would cut him off if he knew about me. Fine with me. He flipped out when I told him about my surgery, so we haven't seen each other since November. We still talk online occasionally, but I have no interest in seeing him anymore, and judging from his reaction to my decision to have the surgery, he doesn't want to see me, either.